2021: It was no 2020, but still...

Happy holidays! Is it just me or has this year gone by about a trillion times faster than the last one? Seriously, if years were movie names, 2020 would have been Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil Mutant Hellbound Flesh Eating Crawling Alien Zombified Subhumanoid Living Dead, Part 5 (real movie, by the way). 2021 would've been closer to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (still long, but airier and more optimistic).

By the time we'd gotten to last December, things were looking up for sure. After nine months spent locking down, masking up and wiping off, we watched as the first vaccinations found their way into the arms of America's front line medical workers and highest-risk populations. Science was poised to purge our cootie-ridden meat jerseys—again.

The past 20 months have underscored the fact that we're a nation as divided as a Spears family clam bake. Even so, how could we have guessed that just a year later, with shots available pretty much everywhere but My Pillow Liquidation Outlets, 30 percent of our population would still be holding out? And "holding out" assumes that there's a chance these folks might change their minds. Seems mostly to be a hard nah at this point.

Since the overarching mission of this blog is to inspirationally annoy, I don't expect to convince anyone to jump ship and enter the light (Tweeeet! Mixed metaphor foul—loss of down!). Let's look at some of the big news of 2021 and see if we can at least agree on some of the high-level stuff. 

January 6, 2021: Following the ex-president's rally and speech at the White House Ellipse, pro-Trump rioters storm the US Capitol as members of Congress meet to certify the Electoral College results of the 2020 presidential election. A total of five people die, including a Capitol Police officer the next day.

What we might disagree on: This was one of the darkest days in our country's history, and had it not been for some well-placed decision-making, Son of Mussolini might still be orangeing up the place.

What we may agree on: MAGA merch sells big among the faithful. All those flags and beanies and noose kits are a freaking cash cow. Crazy about those "We Shall Overcomb" Christmas sweaters, and the American flag is a such a clever and unexpected weapon of choice against police in gun-free zones.

January 7, 2021: Congress formally affirms Joe Biden's 2020 victory, completing a final step in the electoral process.

What we might disagree on: Biden won. 

What we may agree on: The same people who tabulated your presidential ballots also counted your Councilwoman Schitzenfurer's victory over socialist upstart and small business owner, Jimmy Yoplait. 

July 20, 2021: Jeff Bezos and a crew of three go to space and back on an 11-minute ride aboard a penile rocket developed by his space company, Blue Origin. He exits the capsule wearing a cowboy hat.

What we might agree on: Bezos is a douchebag.

What we may disagree on: How much of a douchebag Bezos is. 

September 1, 2021: A Texas law that bans abortions at six weeks goes into effect after the Supreme Court and a federal appeals court fail to rule on pending emergency requests brought by abortion providers.

What we might disagree on: It's hypocritical to assert your own bodily autonomy while denying others theirs.

What we may agree on: Should Roe vs. Wade be overturned, access to safe abortion will stop in many parts of the country. Abortions won't. 

November 19, 2021: Biden temporarily transfers power to Kamala Harris while he is under anesthesia for a routine colonoscopy. Harris becomes the first woman to hold presidential power.

What we might disagree on: Joe makes innocuous but slightly off-color comments to the medical staff while under anesthesia.

What we may agree on: Joe has a double bacon cheese at Ghost Burger right afterwards. I'm starving, man!

Here's to a peaceful finale to 2021. It was no 2020, but it's definitely a year in need of some counseling.