Tuesday, May 20, 2014

It Wasn't Exactly The Grapes of Wrath.

“Now there’s a First World problem.”

Would you consider that term a cliché—just another empty, overused slogan in a jingo-slathered world?

Or do you look at it more as a credo—a helpful, underutilized reminder to just chill the hell out?

I try to take the second approach, but occasionally, bona fide hardships do arise:

If the mood strikes, can I change Siri’s voice to Bill Murray’s? Nope.

Sometimes Safeway runs out of Lindor milk chocolate truffles, and the only choices are caramel and white chocolate and dark chocolate. And who's the closest person I can yell at? A kid stocking yogurt four aisles over. Freaking inconvenient.

Excuse me, this burrito is supposed to have the chicken on top, not inside. I guess it's not taco time after all, so I’ll try and keep it together while you unstuff my burrito.

But yesterday, things got even more uncomfortable for the comfortable. Some new pipe fittings under the house decided to resign without notice, leaving the family without water for a day. Yes, you heard me correctly—an entire day. 

Even though 3.4 million people die each year from water, sanitation and hygiene-related causes, it’s amazing what something like this does to a crew that's accustomed to clean hot and cold water on demand. Let’s just say of the three dwarfs who currently live at our house, two of them have been named Grumpy for the past couple of days.

And here’s a quick tip from Dopey, the oldest dwarf: Don’t try your hand at pipe repair when in close proximity to electricity. While the jolt was nowhere near Bundy-level, it still tingled like a peck on the cheek from Old Sparky. 

I attempted to salvage my wounded provider status by hauling an old jug of distilled water out of the basement. Ever since the Y2K crisis passed without incident, it has waited faithfully to provide the family with emergency hydration support. The cat sniffed at the dusty plastic, sneezed and shuffled over to the toilet. Okay, teeth brushing only, then.

Hopefully, this is something that’s reparable in one day’s time, but hey, if it isn’t, I know one person under fifteen who could learn a little something about patience and flexibility.

In today’s First World, the busy signal no longer exists.

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