Monday, July 13, 2009

Tell her to change her clothes before she leaves

I was in the restroom when Lauryn called me. It would have been bad form to pick up my phone in the stall, and I wasn't anxious to expose the cellular unit to E-Coli. It was usually smeared with my facial oil, anyway, so I didn't want to add to the bacterial casserole.
I left the restroom, ducked into a conference room and called her back. "Dad, tell mom to change her clothes. She listens to you."
Terri was on her way to a doctor's appointment. "Dad, the doctors and nurses are going to be really embarrassed to see her in her brown sweater with huge buttons," Lauryn added. "She looks super ugly."
This is when I launched into my "Mike Brady" mode. "Well, Lauryn, people in our family are allowed to dress any way they want, including you." I thought this tack had a good chance of getting her to give up the fight.
"Yeah, but I always wear really pretty things."
"That's true," I replied, "but everyone has their own taste in how they like to look."
"Just tell her to change her sweater, then. She can leave her pants on." That was big of her.
"Lauryn, I have to go back to work. Just let it go."
"Okay, but you have a really unattractive wife going out in public."
It's great to have such an accepting daughter.


  1. Funny stuff, Tim. You might actually be a better writer than a designer. ;)

  2. I can't wait for the next installment!

  3. Awesome blog, Tim! Tell Terri she is creating unwarranted stress in Lauryn's life and she'll need to let Lauryn choose her clothes for her in the future. Very high heels and a Pashmina would have been much more appropriate for the doctor. I'm starting to stress out a little myself now--will Lauryn be judging me from the moment I step out of the car? Will I need to leave my Converse at home??

  4. Being the wearer of the brown, ugly sweater, I feel compelled to comment. The sweater is just fine - even stylish I might add.

    I'm so glad that Lauryn was mistaken and that the fashion police did not arrest me. The nurse did ask me to remove the sweater, but I didn't take it personally since it was a mammogram appointment.

    At any rate, I'm glad to know that I'm being looked after so closely (aka scrutinized). I feel

  5. I like how diplomatic she is, saying the DOCTORS and NURSES are gonna be embarrassed by the brown-ness of the sweater and the hugeness of the buttons!! She just wants her mom to get great health care, its clear, and the ugliness would distract them from doing their job well.