Tuesday, September 22, 2009

And now...new organic Spam

At the risk of over-saturating my blog, here I am again, looking at day number two at home with a sick child. We currently have a no-television rule in our house (except sports), and I'm really glad there's no arguing about it on days like this. Movies are okay, since you don't want your kid to be too active and prolong her illness, but in my opinion, the only thing worse than daytime TV is the local news. Oh wait, I guess that's part of daytime television, as well.
During my forty-seven years on the earth, here are my limited observations of what's available on the boob tube between 9:00am and 5:00pm:
1) Commercials for predatory attorneys ("Have you been in an accident? We don't care if you were drunk and drove your car into a senior citizens' home. In fact, those people have lots of money and we'll get a big pile of it for both of us.").
2) Trade/tech school ads ("Don't you think it's time to move out of your mom's basement? You're 37 years old, and you have no skills. We're here to change that. We offer associates degrees in both dungeons and dragons.").
3) Train wreck talk shows ("Jethro is the brother and also the cousin of Jenny Lynn, who is in love with Jethro's son/daughter, on the next Jaury Springvich.").
4) Local news ("Coming up next: combating the swine flu with soap and water. Jim Foreman will be in satellite control to demonstrate how to wash your hands in a startling exposé.").
5) Soap operas. Sorry, I have to remain neutral on this one, since I watched All My Children from 1970 to 1986.
Days like today give me a deeper appreciation for stay-at-home parents, especially the moms who are ruthlessly stereotyped in daytime adverts, as eternally searching for superior cat litter or dishwashing detergent or fruit juice or pot-roast-filled hot pockets.
Well, I guess it's time to take a hot soak in some skin-softening dishwashing liquid.

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