Friday, July 9, 2010

Hey, Seattle! Hot enough for ya?

I've been dodging this subject long enough. In Seattle, it's the go-to conversation year-round, and when it's extreme, it's the only topic—the elevator, the bus, the men's room (Wait, not the men's room. Anonymity is sacred there.).

I'm speaking of the weather.

Currently, the Emerald City is experiencing ninety-degree temperatures, which are actually quite mild when compared with almost every other sector of our nation.

The real problem here isn't the weather; it's all of the complaining. Last month, constant whinings ensued about our "June-uary," continuing on into "Jul-vember." And of course, the day temperatures shot skyward, the media latched onto the public outcry for relief from the oppressive heat.

It never takes long for the people to rise up against the controller of all: the weather man. In Seattle, even the other talking heads at the news desk barely hide their contempt.

"So, Steve, what are you throwing at us today?" They glare at the meteorologist with a plastic grin, thinly veiling a fiery contempt. "My dog barely could get out of my purse and into her pool. How can you do this to her?"

The weather guy chuckles insincerely and launches into his choreographed spiel. "Well, I'll tell you, it's hot. Really hot. How hot is it? How long will it last? I'll tell you in seven minutes, plus you'll get a peak at the KOMO Crotch Meter®, which will tell you the real time temperature of the hottest place on your body, and when you should be concerned. Back to you, Dakota."

In the northwest, our homes aren't equipped for intense heat, which does make sleeping a bit challenging. But I have a method. Just to illustrate, I've sketched up a little rendering of my sleeping style, which seems to work quite well:

I call it the "snow angel method," and it works best with no blankets or sheets.

So come on, Seattle. Enjoy this weather. Summer lasts here about as long as it takes to say, "Hot enough for ya?"

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