A man has his needs

Lately, I've been trying to pay better attention...to everything. I don't always listen to what my wife or kids or coworkers are saying to me, and I tend to not notice important details. Therefore, in an effort to hone my observation skills, I've begun studying my culture and environment, and I'm trying to pare down the goods and services which I feel we don't need.

I've compiled a list. It's actually a list of questions, with my suggested answers following behind. You may disagree, and that's fine. I hear you. So here we go.

Do we really need:
1) the chest bump?
2) leg warmers?
3) fat-free cheese?
4) shag carpet on our toilets?
5) pennies?
6) local news?
7) PowerPoint presentations, where the presenter just reads the handouts, which also match what's on the screen?
8) clowns?
9) earlobes?
10) another basket of chips?
11) televisions the size of bed sheets?
12) razors with four rows of blades?
13) Ryan Seacrest?
14) a weekend off before the Superbowl?
15) yellow Oreos®?

Here are the answers:
1) Yes, especially when I'm not wearing a shirt.
2) Only if 1982 Olivia Newton John is wearing them.
3) No. Seems like an oxymoron.
4) No, because I miss too much.
5) Not really. They just accumulate.
6) If someone told me that I could give up my pinky in exchange for the elimination of local news, I'd say, "Where's the meat cleaver?"
7) Absolutely not, unless you're suffering from insomnia. This is a fabulous non-pharmaceutical substitute for Lunestra.
8) No, we don't. In fact, it's time for some new legislation.
9) I'm not sure, but let's say yes.
10) Yes, please, and more salsa.
11) Yes.
12) No, but I like the ads showing the whisker snapping back and being cut off by the next row.
13) One word: hellno.
14) No way. Football withdrawal is very unpleasant.
15) Yes. Any Oreo is a good Oreo.

I'm sure there are many others, but my attention span has expired.