Thursday, March 4, 2010

Tiger Woods and Dr. Seuss: such unlikely bedfellows

Today, I thought I'd just sit back and look around a bit. Here are few things I've noticed going on around us as we head into March:

-While the United States Congress works feverishly(?) to push through some historical healthcare legislation, a representative from North Carolina, Congressman Patrick McHenry, has decided to go rogue. He's campaigning to replace the likeness on the fifty-dollar bill from Ulysses S. Grant to, you guessed it, Ronald Reagan. Really? Isn't that like a little like floating in the middle of the ocean in a lifeboat, spotting a ship on the horizon, and deciding it's a good time to wax your eyebrows?

-Allergy season has returned with a vengeance. Lately, my mornings have consisted of waking up, prying open my sticky, cakey eyelids, sneezing twelve or thirteen times (in other words, having a sneezure), and popping a generic Claritin. This is the time of year when at least one friend says to me, "Is that an inhaler in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me (in a freakish, L-shaped way)?"

-Baseball season enters the radar. I love baseball, and now, with steroid testing in full swing, the formerly iron-muscled players seem just a bit smaller and softer. In fact, MLB, rather than being the abbreviation for Major League Baseball, could now stand for "Men with Large Boobs."

-Tiger Woods has finally been discharged (not sure that's an appropriate word to use) from a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction. I've often wondered, how do you treat something like that? Is it Pavlovian, where electrodes are involved? Well, all I can say is, if his wife decides to take this guy back, she's a bigger person than I would be. If I were her, I'd already be known as "Cougar Woods."

-March 2 marked the birthday of one of my idols—Dr. Seuss. How many children and parents alike are indebted to this man for his life lessons, his illustrations and his poetry. He taught us morals and principles, though never in a preachy way, and always with the utmost creativity and humor. In fact:

I have read him in the rain.
And I have read him on a train.
And in a car.
And on a boat.
And when my kid forgot her coat.
And at the park, oh my, oh my.
And when my daughter had pink eye.
We've read his books so much, you see.
I feel I owe a user fee.

Happy March, all you Whos in Whoville.

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