Thursday, June 10, 2010

They obviously watch too much TV

Our kids have decided, for the third consecutive summer, not to watch television while school is out. My wife and I fully support their decision, since most of what's offered on the cretin cube is nothing but pixy stix for the gray matter. Sports and movies are exempt from the moratorium.

We suggested another television-free summer to our offspring after overhearing one of their conversations a couple of weeks ago, recording it, and playing it back for them. Here is the transcript, with footnotes:

Older daughter: I think maybe we've been watching too much TV. Not that there's anything wrong with that. (1)

Younger daughter: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, (2) Zoe? 

Older daughter:  Whoa (3),  just relax, Lauryn. We can start up again in the fall.

Younger daughter: Well isn't that special? (4) Actually, I guess it worked out pretty well when we were on a break. (5)

Older daughter: Yep. And when I talked to Mom about it, that's what she said. (6)

Younger daughter: It's so tempting, though. What if I get caught watching Hoarders or Sixteen and Pregnant?

Older daughter: I guess you'll have some 'splainin' to do. (7)

Younger daughter: I've already got it figured out. I'll just say something like, "I'm just checking to make sure the remote still works." Yeah, that's the ticket. (8)

Older daughter: And if Mom asks me what I know about it, I know nothing. (9)

Younger daughter: I don't think you'll have to worry about it. Mom's an ignorant slut. (10)

Older daughter: Excuse me! (11) If she ever heard you say that, that would be it. No soup for you! (12) By the way, why are you clutching your Barbie so tightly?

Younger daughter: Because they killed Kenny. (13)

Older daughter: Okay, stifle it. (14) I hear someone coming.

Younger daughter: That was close. They almost heard us. Missed it by that much. (15)

I think we're making the right decision.

Television show glossary:
(1) Seinfeld
(2) Different Strokes
(3) Happy Days
(4) Saturday Night Live
(5) Friends
(6) The Office
(7) I Love Lucy
(8) Saturday Night Live
(9) Hogan's Heroes
(10) Saturday Night Live
(11) Saturday Night Live
(12) Seinfeld
(13) South Park
(14) All in the Family
(15) Get Smart

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