Sunday, September 5, 2010

You and Mom did that? Ewww!

This weekend, my parenting cup runneth over.

My wife and her friend embarked on their annual pilgrimage to George, Washington for the traditional Labor Day noodling fest known as the Dave Matthews Band. I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this assessment, but in my opinion, the guy sounds like he's been stung by hornets and his throat is nearly swollen shut from anaphylactic shock. The musicians around him, though highly competent, seem to all be soloing at the same time, and the result is like when all of the finger paints get mixed together to form a brownish slop. But enough, already. I've previously railed against him in this post, so I'll pull off my hating cap.

The kids and I usually don't try to accomplish much, if anything, when their mom is away; we like to watch movies, eat out and other things mildly lazy.

Sometimes, however, watching a movie can unexpectedly open a can of worms, and such was the case yesterday. We watched one of our favorite movies, Baby Mama, starring Tina Fey and Amy Pohler. The film is centered around a woman who discovers, a bit later in her life, that she desperately yearns for a child. She enlists the services of an agency, which hooks her up with a surrogate mother, Amy Pohler's character.

The kids and I have watched this film before, but yesterday, my ten-year-old daughter decided to delve into the biological aspect of surrogate parenthood. One question led to the next, and eventually, she orated the mother of all inquiries: "Dad, you did that to Mom? Ewwww! That's really nasty. Did you like it?"

What was I supposed to say to that? I decided to take the high road. "Umm, I don't really remember."

My wife, being a teacher of kids this age, could have effectively diffused the situation with just the right response. She wasn't in attendance last night. And I should have just shut up right then, but naturally, I didn't.

"Look, no one wants to imagine their parents doing this, but just think of it this way: out of all the millions of sperm, the two of you were the strongest swimmers. You should be proud of your amazing athletic ability."

Now it was time for the fifteen-year-old to weigh in. "Dad, be quiet."


We watched the rest of the movie, talking and laughing frequently, but avoiding certain subjects. It was better that way.

Even though the movie is a comedy, it made me really appreciate how fortunate we are to have created a family the easy way. It really hit home with the following scene, a surrogacy support group led by Sigourney Weaver's character, Chaffee Bicknell:

I can't wait for my wife to come home.

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