Today's top ten career choices: easy money

Future career options are frequent topics of conversation between my daughters and me.

I remember constantly revising my future vocation as a ten-year-old, vacillating from NASA scientist to talk show host to orthodontist. My ten-year-old daughter is no different, as she has recently updated her choice from bartender to fashion designer/cake decorator/stay-at-home mom.

I'm sure a lot of us have read or heard about how tight the job market is for recent college graduates, so I decided to do a little research. I found this piece in U.S. News and World Report, regarding the most desirable careers for 2009. Criteria included pay, job satisfaction and demand. Here are the top ten:

1) Audiologist—I know absolutely nothing about this, but it definitely sounds cool. Back in my single days, what I wouldn't have given to approach some babe at the TGI Fridays around 1:30 AM and say, "Hi, I'm Tim. What do I do for a living? Glad you asked. I'm an audiologist with Audiological Associates of Anaheim, and I specialize in the detection of audiological pseudohypoacusis. Want to get some breakfast?"

2) Biomedical Equipment Technician—This sounds fairly simple. It probably concerns tasks like restocking that huge tissue paper roll at the foot of the exam table. You know...that thin layer of parchment for which your hospital gown parts.

3) Clergy—This would also be a slam dunk. All you have to do is buy a helmet-like, gray man wig and sit on a throne-type chair, while your clownish wife in her gunny sack dress sobs and begs old people for their social security checks. This can be accomplished with traditional television or YouTube.

4) Curriculum/Training Specialist—Fun. You just walk into, for example, a workplace lunchroom and say, "The English Muffin setting is here. Bagels, right here. Everything else, use this one. If anything comes out charred and black, you've toasted it too long. Okay, I'm going to get some Dim Sum. Peace out."

5) Engineer—What a blast, especially if I get to lean out the window of the locomotive, wave to kids and wear that special hat.

6) Genetic Counselor—Another unchallenging, yet apparently appealing, career. All you have to do is say, "Hi, come one in. Have a seat. Well, it appears that what we suspected is true...you've got genes and so does your husband. Go ahead and see Blanche on the way out for your next appointment."

7) Ghostwriter—I would love to do this one. In fact, if anyone out there wants me to ghost write their book, I'll do it for a six-pack of I.P.A. and two tickets to see Night Ranger at The Royal Fork Buffet.

8) Government Manager—one word: oxymoron.

9) Hair Stylist/Cosmetologist—I have too many friends who perform this job, so I'm not going to skewer it. Plus, it's difficult on the back and requires a creative approach, combined with customer-service capabilities. Love you guys.

10) Health Policy Specialist— I love how the word, "Specialist" is tacked onto a lot of job titles. I guess the rest of us are merely "Averagists."

Hopefully, these careers will still be around when my ten-year-old is out job hunting. If not, I guess I'd better clear out the spare room for potential cake making, fashion designing and child raising.